They say that the life of a young family with a mother-in-law or mother-in-law under one roof is the right way to divorce. And, unfortunately, this hypothesis is confirmed by numerous examples, when endless feuds on household soil “killed” the strongest relations of spouses.
Really, you say, really everything is so simple and there are absolutely no ways of peaceful coexistence with my mother-in-law or mother-in-law on the same living space?
Psychologists say that it is quite possible to find a common language with the parent of your second half, being close to him, only you need to make an effort and adhere to the basic rules of communication with a new relative.
10. Spend time together with the whole family
At first, it may seem to you that the most correct decision will be to find as few “points of contact” as possible with your mother-in-law or mother-in-law, and that is when you will have fewer reasons for conflict. In fact, this is not entirely true.
Family psychologists agree on one thing: if, when doing something, relatives experience positive emotions, then their relationship from this becomes much stronger and friendlier.
Therefore, do not be afraid to take your mother-in-law or mother-in-law for joint walks with children or for any recreational activities. Let her feel that you have not removed the beloved child from her, but on the contrary, have contributed to strengthening their family relationship.
9. Do not make your mother-in-law / mother-in-law hostage to your harmful addictions
Mother-in-law or mother-in-law is not necessary to demonstrate your negative aspects of character. In addition, she absolutely does not have to sacrifice her health because of your bad habit.
Therefore, if you smoke, try to do everything possible so that she does not suffer from the consequences of this addiction. The same rule applies to other family members.
You may not know, but there are people who physiologically cannot stand the smell of cigarettes. If your mother-in-law or mother-in-law makes a remark to you, do not blame it on the senile idiot - perhaps she really feels great discomfort.
Therefore, do everything so that this smell is not in the house, otherwise the mother of your second half will have an aversion to you at the physiological level.
8. Praise her more often and louder
You know that a kind word is pleasant for a cat. And mother-in-law or mother-in-law is not just pleasant, but practically necessary, like air.
Moving to a certain age, most people begin to feel a strong need for recognition of their experience and their previous merits. Therefore, if you want to satisfy this basic desire of a newly made relative, then just give her compliments and praise her, preferably in the presence of other family members.
Just do not need to go too far! Coarse flattery can have the opposite effect, and your mother-in-law or mother-in-law simply ceases to respect you.
7. Keep your promises.
This is an extremely important rule: do everything that your mother-in-law / mother-in-law promised. Do not give yourself the opportunity to relax, and she - an extra reason to rebuke you on occasion.
6. Avoid disputes
No need to engage in fierce polemics with her every time you feel that the truth is on your side. And, by the way, advise to adhere to the same tactics and your soulmate.
In some fundamental issues, it is recommended to defend your position as softly as possible, but categorically, while not forgetting to first ask her opinions on this matter.
5. Help than you can
Try to provide all possible help with the housework. You don’t need to take on too much, otherwise she might think that you want to survive her from your own territory.
And it is advisable to offer help yourself - let her see that you are not indifferent to everything that happens in the house, and that you are ready to share the responsibility for family life with her.
Perhaps at first she will be unhappy with how you peeled potatoes or washed the floor. Try to swallow it without resentment. Believe me, gradually her heart will thaw, and she will already feel the need for your help. Just give the deadline!
4. To the bathroom and toilet - according to the queue
Living with your mother-in-law or mother-in-law under one roof you will have to get used to the rules of coexistence of neighbors in a communal apartment.
It will be useful to make lists of visits to the bathtub and toilet, which will clearly indicate the time of each of the tenants of the apartment.
If this is too radical an option for you, then just take an interest in her regime and try not to occupy the “rest room” in her time.
And wean yourself for three hours to bask in the bathroom - this can bring even a very restrained person to an extreme degree of irritation.
Yes, living under the same roof with the mother-in-law / mother-in-law is a forced household inconvenience that you just need to accept.
3. Intimacy - the secret behind seven seals
This is quite problematic, but you have to disguise your intimate life in every possible way.
The unambiguous loud noises coming from your room at night, moans or sighs can at best interfere with her sleep, and in the worst case, they will trigger a crazy physiological "mother" mechanism called: "My child is my property."
Yes, this is rather strange, but many mothers whose children have got their own families can experience real female jealousy in relation to their child, especially if your half is the only child in the family.
2. Be friendly
A fairly common problem when coexisting with mother-in-law / mother-in-law is her exorbitant desire to take control of everything.
She can persistently give recommendations on economic issues, advise what products to buy, decide individually how to raise children. And when you try to point out to her her obsession, she may perceive it as a hostile attack.
The most important thing in this situation: do not lose friendliness. Assure yourself that your mother-in-law / mother-in-law is guided exclusively by good intentions - and only with this is her activity connected.
Go on to discuss pressing issues without moving to increased intonation. If you fundamentally disagree with her when looking at any issue, then insisting on your own, do small “bribes” (all talented diplomats do this).
For example, do as you see fit, but after that present your mother-in-law / mother-in-law with a present.
1. Discuss the rules
If you know as much as possible about all the addictions and habits of your mother-in-law / mother-in-law, the better it will be for you. Keep in mind that older people depend on their habits.
It’s harder for them to change their way. Consequently, the appearance of a new person in the house is undoubted stress for the mother-in-law / mother-in-law. Therefore, do everything so that the lifestyle of this woman with your appearance in her apartment does not undergo cardinal changes - so you will save both yours and her nerves.